S3x related accidents you don’t want to have

Safe s3x is imperative in all its aspects, and if you disregard it, you risk running into one of these mishaps:

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1. Held Captive

Penis captivus is when a man gets stuck inside a woman. I don’t know what to say about this, except perhaps to advise that if you must get stuck, let it be with your wife or husband, and let it be while doing something legal, then those curious on lookers won’t have much to say.

It happened to an Italian couple while they were doing it in the ocean. That was ok. But a couple that got stuck together during a drug fueled sex fest were arrested on drug charges after leaving the hospital, and then there are those cheating Kenyan couples we’ve all heard of.

2. Dismembered Member

It is one thing to be caught cheating, and quite another to be caught with the evidence in your mouth. A Chinese lady was giving her boss a blowjob in his car when another van crashed into them. The impact snapped her jaw shut and bit off his member. She jumped out of the car, only to run into a private detective who had been hired by her husband to catch her cheating and who witnessed everything, which is how I came to know of the story.

3. Falling Out of Love

The worst I have suffered in this regard is to fall through an unstable bed. The following couples were not half so lucky.

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A Chinese couple, again, fell to their death while making love. They were leaning on their window pane which turned out to be insecurely fixed.

A Spanish lady fell into a well while having sex with a man she had just met. What did the gallant lover do? He took off, thinking she had died, and anonymously called the cops who came and rescued her. At least he called the cops.

4. Deflowering Gone Wrong

Losing your virginity should at the very worst be just awkward. But for this Japanese couple it was actually fatal. The 20 something year olds both suffered a heart attack and died while having their long and anxiously awaited first sex.

Another teenage boy drove his girlfriend’s head through the wall. It wasn’t a concrete wall, luckily. The girl was a bit on the heavy side, weighing about 440 pounds. So as they are at it dog style, the guy drives too hard and her head goes through the wall. It was no more than a concussion however and the girl was soon back in action.

5. Accidental Incest

A certain Joe Simpson discovered that his fiancé was the result of artificial insemination. Remembering the 800 times he had donated sperm during his college days he decided to check up on it, just to be sure. It’s a good thing he did, because she turned out to be one of those very many seeds he gave away.

Have safe s3x!

Let me share this with you before I go. As I was writing this article I couldn’t help eavesdropping on my neighbour telling some handymen about a cousin of hers whose jail sentence was increased by three months because he had killed a bed bug while in prison. This world!

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